MISTAKE #1

BELIEVING THE CUSTODY AND DIVORCE COURT SYSTEM IS FAIR AND JUST

If you think you can sit back and the Family Law  Judge will make a fair and just decision, without more, you will be extremely disappointed.  I can almost guarantee that you will not have the custody time you desire, nor the divorce settlement you thought you would receive.

The fact is, courts are overcrowded and the Custody and Divorce System is overworked and overwhelmed.  Hoping for a fair outcome is fantasy because you are not working within a healthy, efficient, caring custody and divorce system.

Years ago, a Family Law Judge could take all of the time necessary to hear all of the facts of a case and then make the most fair and equitable decisions possible.  Most Judges were older and experienced in life.  They were qualified in every aspect of the law.

They were well seasoned and could pretty much figure out who was telling the truth and how the case should be resolved.  Of course people were much more likely to tell the truth back then as well.

NOT TRUE TODAY.

Many Judges are young and inexperienced.  Often they have practiced in only one area of the law (often criminal prosecution) before becoming a Judge.  They may little about the true aspects of child custody and divorce.

In addition, because of the overcrowded conditions in the Family Law Court System,  a Judge may have 10 to 15 minutes to hear your custody or divorce case for temporary orders, and seldom will have more than a few hours, up to a day or two to decide your Fate and that of your Family at  a Trial.

Even though Judges do the best job they possibly can under the circumstances, without more, the chances of a fair and complete Child Custody Hearing or Divorce Trial are slim.

The Only Way to Overcome the Pitfalls of the Judicial System and to be Successful in your Divorce and Child Custody Case are to Know

• How to Correctly Present Yourself to make the Child Custody or Divorce Judge or Mediator want to Decide in your Favor.

• How to Communicate What you want and Why,  in the most Efficient and Understandable Way Possible.

• What are the Most Important Facts to Present and How to Present them during the Short Time that you Have.

• The Dirty Tricks the Other Side may use to Jeopardize your Case.

• If you have a Lawyer, How to make that Lawyer Care about your Case and Dedicate the Time Necessary to Help You Wwin.

If you go into court or into your negotiations, like you approach a chess game,  with a detailed plan, knowing what you need to accomplish, and you can do so efficiently and effectively, you will be successful.

Because Divorce and Custody Courts are so crowded,  they now generally provide a series of alternatives that you must use to attempt to resolve your child custody and divorce  case first, before resorting to a tria and taking up a Judge’s time. .  You may have custody mediators, evaluators, settlement conferences, arbitration and a host of other roadblocks to deal with before ever seeing a courtroom.

You need to know what these procedures are all about and how you can properly prepare for each one.  The way that you present yourself and the facts of your case can vary dramatically depending upon the type of alternative method being used.

The bottom line is, if you want the best child custody plan available, based upon your understanding of what is in the Best Intersts of your child’; and, if you want the best Divorce Settlement available to you,  YOU HAVE TO BE PRO-ACTIVE.  YOU HAVE TO TAKE CHARGE AND BE IN CONTROL.

If you let fate take its course, or leave your future in the hands of an overworking, sometimes less than caring lawyer, you get what you deserve.

The Only Way to Get what You want is to Learn How to Get it.  Isn’t this True in every Part of life?  Why would your Child Custody or Divorce Case be any different?

There are plenty of resources out there to help you get in control of your case and your life.  Of course I happen to think that mine are the best, but I admit I am somewhat prejudiced.

I have taken my 30 years of Custody and Divorce litigation experience and shared everything that is important with  you in my Books and Material.   My information is concise, easy to read and affordable.  I suggest that you give it a try.  I provide a full money back guarantee so you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

FATHERS  seeking Child Custody and your Father’s Rights, Go to HOME and Choose the FATHER’S PICTURE

MOTHERS seeking Child Custody and your Mother’s Rights, Go to HOME and Choose the MOTHER”S PICTURE

Everything You Need to Know about Your DIVORCE, Go to HOME and Choose the DIVORCE PICTURE

I Guarantee that You Will be Much Happier with the Outcome of your Child Custody and Divorce Case if You Arm Yourself with my Information.

Good Luck.

]]> http://www.edivorceexpert.com/the-biggest-mistakes-in-child-custody-and-divorce-1/feed/ 0 http://www.edivorceexpert.com/how-do-i-get-my-life-in-order-when-in-the-middle-of-a-divorce-and-child-custody-case/ http://www.edivorceexpert.com/how-do-i-get-my-life-in-order-when-in-the-middle-of-a-divorce-and-child-custody-case/#comments Fri, 18 May 2012 18:38:52 +0000 dianne http://www.edivorceexpert.com/?p=1380 Enduring a Divorce, especially if it includes a child custody struggle, is like getting run over by a Mack Truck not once, but on a daily basis.

Emotions are out of control and concentration for any length of time is impossible. 

Fear is always lurking – Fear of the unknown, Fear of Loss, Fear of Embarrassment, Fear of the Future and a Thousand other Fears continuously haunt you.

Add to this misery, the Black Hole, which continues to suck up all of your money in attorney’s fees, support and extra expenses which come with changes in your life.

And, the worst part?  It seems there is no end in sight.  Right now you believe your divorce and custody fight will never end.

How do you make sense of your life during this time?  How do you restore calm and sanity?  And, more important, how do you find an end to your action and your strife? 

ANSWER – A CHILD CUSTODY AND DIVORCE COACH.

Child Custody and Divorce Coach

Your Coach will:

1.  Get Rid of Your Fears.  You will no longer have all of those “unknowns.”  A coach gives you answers when you need them to all of your divorce and child custody questions.  You will have all of the information, strategy, tips and techniques to be Successful at your fingertips when you need them.

2.  Substantially Reduce your Stress.  You will have an experienced, knowledgeable coach giving you step by step instruction and help at every stage of your divorce and custody action.  You will learn how to present yourself and your case to maximize your Success.

3.  Save Thousands of Dollars.  You will get your custody and divorce case back on the fast track.  Your coach will teach you how to talk to your attorney so he or she will  give your case priority.  A coach will help you organize your thoughts, documents and facts so that your time with your attorney is used efficiently and effectively, thereby substantially reducing your bills.

 4.  Make You a Better Parent. You will learn how to handle difficult situations with the other parent and what to do when things “go wrong.”  A child custody coach teaches the parenting skills necessary to help your children through this ordeal and those skills Judges and Custody evaluators are looking for to determine which parent can better serve the best interests of the children and thus who should have custody.

These are just a few of the advantages of a Custody and Divorce Coach.  Click Here For  Child Custody and Divorce Coach to find out all of the details, the cost and how to start your coaching sessions.  You will get your Life in Order with the  Right Coach, I guarantee it.

Each emotion has its own traits in custody litigation which Fathers and Mothers should look for and control in they wish to win their custody case and divorce.

1. FEAR: The biggest fear is that of the unknown. What will happen to my relationship with our children as a result of this child custody litigation?  Will the children be with me enough? Will the children be OK when they are with the other parent?

2. GREED: There never seems to be “enough” in divorce and child custody cases. There is not enough time with the children, there is never enough money or property to go around.

3. DESIRE FOR POWER:  Fathers and Mothers in a Divorce or Child Custody Action want to be the “Winner.” Each wants to believe that they have power over the other party, whether it be in the form the decision making or time with the children, how much money each party ends up with, the ability to out finance the other side, or the emotional strength to endure the child custody battle.

It is easy to misinterpret the other Parent’s actions or what he or she says, when fear, greed or the desire for power come into play in a child custody or divorce action.

An innocent statement may be interpreted as a “Desire for Power.” This misinterpretation then leads a parent to the wrong action (or reaction.)

For example, You may become fearful that the other Parent  is trying to manipulate you and dominate the children’s time when their particular request in this situation may be a legitimate one.  However, because Fear or one of the other elements dominate your thoughts, you cannot see the situation clearly.

Your desire for “more,” whether it be for more time with the children, more money, more assets, and just more attention, is a bottomless pit that can never be filled.

Try to get rid of the “I wants” in your child custody or divorce case.

It is almost impossible to stay away from all of these emotions, all of the time, particularly when experiencing a custody or divorce action.

However, just try to recognize when you are experiencing the “Big Three.” Ask yourself if any of these emotions are the Motivating Factor for your actions.

You will have come a long way just by recognizing these emotions, and you will often be able to avoid saying or doing the wrong thing because you are no longer on “automatic pilot.”

Write these three words out on a piece of paper that you can look at often during your child custody or divorce action.

Continue to ask yourself, are my actions today motivated by any or all of them? If so, you have a chance to change your behavior and in turn, make life a much better place for you, and most importantly, for your children.

If your motivations are right, the outcome of your Child Custody or Divorce case will also be right and you will be satisfied with it, I guarantee it.

A custody evaluation can take several forms.  It may be conducted by a counselor working for the court system, or a private counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist. 

In whatever form the child custody evaluation takes place, the “don’ts” remain the same:

1.  One of the major “Don’ts” is not to focus too much on your family background and childhood.  Don’t focus on problems, issues and unhappy incidents which occurred in your past.  They only tend to make the child custody evaluator more concerned about your health as a Mother or Father today when, in fact, they may have no relevance at all  to your stability and health as a parent.

2.  If you are required to take written tests, such as the MMPI or the MCMI, be careful not to appear too good.  Admit to your faults and mistakes.  These tests have a “truth factor” built into them and if you appear too perfect, the test results will be invalidated.

3.  Don’t worry too much about the test results.  The vast majority of test participants fall within the “normal range.”  If your results should fall out of the normal range, be certain you have an attorney familiar with the testing.  Attacking the validity of the results is not that difficult and often the results can be thrown out as unreliable evidence in your child custody case.

4.  Don’t respond to any questions by the child custody evaluator in an angry or impatient manner.  They are just trying to do their job and even though some of the questions seem redundant or unnecessary, think of the custody evaluator like a police officer – there is no need to irritate them, it will only make matters worse.

5.  Don’t dominate the conversation with the child custody evaluator.  Let them take control of the custody evaluation.  You want them to like you.   Let them ask the questions and lead you where they want you to go with your conversation.  Don’t try to just “tell your story.”  They don’t want to hear your version.

6.  Don’t appear impatient, in a hurry, or bored with the custody process.  Don’t keep looking at the clock, checking your cell phone (which must be turned off) or use physical gestures like tapping your finger, playing with a pen, moving your leg or foot etc.  You want to appear calm, collected and in a mood to give the child custody evaluator as much time as they feel they need with you.

7.  Never settle your child custody case, or go through a custody trial without having plenty of time to review the Custody Evaluator’s report results for you and the other parent.  If you take the time and money to go through the custody evaluation, you should certainly use the report to guide you either into a settlement or to prepare you for what may be expected at trial.

Child Custody Evaluations will make or break your case and your chances of winning substantial time with your children.  Take them with the utmost seriousness and attention.  Read everything you can about them before the custody process begins.

You will have to excuse my soap box this week; however it seems to be the week of Whiners.  We have turned into a nation of “complainers,” rather than “doers.”

Mothers and Fathers going through a Child Custody Battle love to join and participate in Support Groups, Forums, and just about any setting in which they call all talk about how they are getting taken advantage of by the other Parent, their Attorney, the Judge or the Custody System in General. 

Complaining is going to get you nowhere, except maybe make you feel a little better for a short while because you know there are other Moms and Dads out there that are experiencing the same frustration as you are.

Don’t Get me Wrong, having a little support is a good thing.  The problem is, however, that Mothers and Fathers who want to get custody use this as a crutch and an excuse not to Help Themselves.  Don’t become one of these people. 

There will always be frustrating, angry, and even depressing moments in a child custody action.  If you want to limit these occasions, then get some SELF HELP. 

You can help yourself and obtain your custody rights in a variety of ways, for example:

1.  EDUCATE YOURSELF.    Read, Read, Read.  Learn from the child custody experts about how you can succeed in your custody action.  Don’t bother with the “I’ve been there folks and here is my story” websites.   Instead, concentrate your time and your money on Expert Advice.  People who know the custody system and how to conquer it.

2.  PUT WHAT YOU LEARN INTO ACTION.   It is one thing to read about how to succeed in a custody battle and another to do it.  Often Mothers and Fathers will order books, tapes etc. on how to win custody, but then,  they briefly scan them, put them on the shelf and forget the great advice, tips and strategies they need to actually get custody.   Don’t just get the information, put it into action.  Make an outline or a plan of what actions you are going to take to change the outcome of your child custody case.

3.  GET HELP.  Most Moms and Dads are not capable of going through a Child Custody Battle by Themselves.  This is why they join divorce support groups, however that is the wrong place to look for help.  Although Lawyers can be an essential component to success, they only have so much time and you only have so much money.  So you may want to look elsewhere for individual help. 

The Newest and Best Method of getting customized help is to use a Divorce or Custody coach.  Coaches can help you maintain a level head throughout your action, teach you what to do and not to do to assure success in your custody action and help with “life” problems as well.  The key is to carefully choose your custody coach and know what it is you are going to get for your time and money.   

If you would like to purchase this ebook, please click the image below.

If you have any questions or problems placing your order, don’t hesitate to email me at DianneOphelia@gmail.com.

If you would like to purchase this ebook, please click the image below.

If you have any questions or problems placing your order, don’t hesitate to email me at DianneOphelia@gmail.com.

The keys to finding hidden assets are persistence and time. If you don’t have both available, you may want to consider hiring someone to do the work for you. Often you can find a bookkeeper who does not charge as much as an accountant, but can get the job done.

If you believe your Spouse has hidden substantial property or money, then I suggest that you hire an Accountant who Specializes in tracing assets.

For most cases, however, the amounts involved don’t justify thousands of dollars in accountant’s fees. Doing your own homework can turn up thousands of dollars you otherwise would not have had available to divide.

It is much easier to find an asset hidden within the last year or two than 10 or 20 years ago. Fortunately most people don’t think about trying to hide assets until a year or two before the divorce, so the job can be easier.

Some of the more obvious and easily discovered areas where assets may be missing are:

1. BANK ACCOUNTS:

The most common source of missing funds comes from Bank Accounts. Spouse’s will often take sums of money out of bank accounts a few months before separation in preparation for paying for a separate living space, furniture, attorney’s fees, and other expenses which crop up at divorce time.

Depending upon how long you think your spouse may have been planning their exit, obtain copies of bank statements as far back as necessary — anywhere from 6 months to 2 years is generally sufficient. Look at the withdrawals each month for anything out of the ordinary — you may be surprised! Also, be certain you have copies of ALL Bank Statements for ALL Bank Accounts.

Any sums of money that a Spouse uses which are not for the “benefit of the marital or community estate” will generally have to be reimbursed by that Spouse.

2. CREDIT CARDS:

Another common method of accumulating hidden assets is by way of credit card.

Obtain credit card statements for as far back as you feel necessary and check all of the withdrawals — particularly look for cash withdrawals and transfers to other accounts.

Obtain a copy of your spouse’s credit rating to be certain you know about all of their credit cards and debts.

3. CASH:

This is a trickier subject. If your spouse is in a business which accepts cash, look at the monthly receipts to determine if there has been an unusual drop in income with no explanation.

If the records are available, check to see if the drop of income is in the form of a drop in cash receipts in contrast to payment by credit card, check etc.

Numerous other methods exist to discover hidden assets. My purpose here is to give you three of the most simple and common methods of hiding assets and what to do about them.

If you suspect your spouse of this type of conduct, then you should research further methods, particularly as they relate to income and small businesses, to assure that you are receiving everything that you are entitled to in your divorce.

The best plan is actually “No Plan.” It consists of two parents who are able to communicate so well and who are so cooperative that they respect each other’s wishes and time with the children, that no agreement is necessary.

However, in my 30 years of Family Law practice, I can’t think of even one case that this actually worked, so don’t feel bad if you are not one of those perfect divorced parents.

A very detailed Child Custody Parenting Plan can avoid angry incidents, confusion and the ability of one or both parent to play games. The more detailed the custodial plan, the less wiggle room for manipulation. You can always agree to modify the plan, however it is beneficial to have all of the details laid out so that should an issue arise, you have a default plan to rely upon and you don’t end up back in divorce court.

It is difficult to remember every possibility and deal with those possibilities in a written document. A comprehensive outline is essential as a beginning point.

A good custodial arrangement will set out each option that Parents can choose from, with the result being a very individual, tailor made plan, just for that family.

Although forms supplied by Family Law Courts and Child Custody Counselors are helpful, generally they contain “boilerplate phrases” which should not be applied across the board. Attorneys, Judges and Counselors like “boilerplate” Forms, because they are already on their computer and easier to prepare. Don’t compromise just to make it easier for someone else.

Parenting plans should anticipate the future. Children need different schedules depending upon their ages and activities. Most often, a general plan is adopted by the parties and the court during a child custody case or divorce. It seldom anticipates the future and is seldom revisited at a later date because the parents don’t want to “reenter the divorce or child custody system” to change it.

Having a custody plan that anticipates the future can alleviate some of the problem, even though it obviously cannot address every situation which may arise. Don’t settle for a general parenting plan. Pick and choose those options which best suit both Parents and the Children’s lifestyles.

Many parents don’t realize how much detail should be included in a custodial plan. Just a simple “summer vacation Plan” should include the following:

1. Is the time with each parent going to be different than during the school year, and if so, how?

2. When does the new schedule start and end?

3. Does each parent receive some time for a vacation with the children? How long, two weeks?

4. Who chooses the vacation dates first (usually alternate even and odd years) and what are the deadlines to notify the other parent of the vacation dates?

5. What about summer camp, summer sports activities, etc. Who decides which activities the children shall participate in, who is responsible for the cost, who provides transportation, and what if the activity infringes on the other parent’s usual time with the children?

6. What about holidays such as 4th of July in the US and other holidays around the world? Who has the children on the holiday and how does that impact the other parent’s time?

7. What if there is a special occasion, such as an out of town relative visiting, a family reunion, special anniversary party etc? How often should a parent be allowed a special occasion and how is the makeup time for the other parent arranged?

8. What if the child attends summer school. Whose time does that impact and how?

9. What if one parent is off during the summer (such as a teacher.) Are they allowed to provide child care for the other parent?

10. If a Parent is taking the children out of town, what are the requirements for notification to the other parent? Is an itinerary appropriate? Should it include telephone numbers and dates? What about addresses, flight numbers etc? And, how soon should the itinerary be provided prior to departure?

11. Can a parent take the child out of the state without permission of the other parent? How about out of the Country?

Parenting plans must be given the time and attention they deserve. Make certain that the plan is right for the Parents and Children and that it covers every contingency. Don’t just adopt a court form and “worry about the details” later. It is easier to ignore the details, rather than have to resolve them now; however you will be much happier you did, for many years to come.