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Divorce: Fear, Greed and Power

Fear, Greed and the Desire for Power are the cause of incessant conflict in personal relationships and particularly when they are the center of a divorce or child custody action. Each has its own traits in litigation.

Divorce Mediation

FEAR: The biggest fear being that of the unknown. What will happen to me and to our children as a result of this litigation? Will I have a place to live and money to live on? Will the children be with me enough? Will the children be OK when they are with the other parent?

GREED: There never seems to be “enough” in divorce and custody cases. There is not enough time with the children, there is never enough money or property to go around.

DESIRE FOR POWER: Each party wants to be a “winner.” Each wants to believe that they have power over the other party, whether it be in the form the decision making or time with the children, how much money they give to the other party or the other party takes for support, power to impact the outcome of the divorce or custody action through manipulation, the ability to out finance the other side, or emotional strength to endure to battle.

Through these three factors, you misinterpret every situation. Your misinterpretation leads to misguided action designed to rid you of fear and satisfy your need for “more,” a bottomless hole that can never be satisfied.

So what do we do about them?

Can we just say, “I am not going to be like that?” or “I will stay away from those emotions?” Sadly, even with the best of intentions, it is almost impossible to stay away from these emotions particularly when experiencing a custody or divorce action.

Just by recognizing that you are experiencing one or more of the “Big Three” and that they are the Motivating Factor for your actions, will take you a long way.

Paste these three words somewhere that you will see them every day and continue to ask yourself, are my actions today motivated by any or all of them? If so, you have a chance to change your behavior and in turn, make life a much better place for you, and most importantly, for your children.

If your motivations are right, the outcome of your divorce and custody case will also be right and you will be satisfied with it.

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